Whether it is sex or a sense of closeness with your partner, intimacy can take many forms. Regardless of what type of intimacy it is, though, it can take work but yield amazing results for making your relationship healthier and happier. If you need some tips on how to make your sex life and emotional connection more free and rewarding, here are some lessons in intimacy you need to remember.
1. Shed your inhibitions
Whether you’re talking about physical or emotional intimacy, it’s very important to be uninhibited and frank. You cannot actually have a real, deep connection with someone whilst remaining guarded.
A physical relationship which involves you holding back is equally uncomfortable and awkward for both people. So, shed your inhibitions and be more open because that will help you enjoy sex better too.
2. Speak up and tell your partner what you want them to do and ask them what they like
Hearing that your partner cannot read your mind and magically do what you need them to might not sound romantic, but it can actually help your relationship. You teach each other how to be better lovers for each other. Plus, there’s nothing as hot as telling your partner to do what you want them to in bed—both for you and for them!
3. Don’t force it if you’re not feeling it
There seems to be this idea that if a couple isn’t having sex, there is something wrong and that they should schedule a daily romp to save their relationship. This is quite misguided. The frequency of your sexual encounters with your partner are not a metric for judging your relationship.
There are many kinds of intimacy and many other aspects of a relationship which might require more attention at one point than sex. So, don’t force yourself to have sex or feel something is wrong if you don’t want to do it once in a while.
4. It’s not always about sex—it can be small moments of closeness too
Sex is not the be all and end all of intimacy. Long hugs with your bodies intertwined, playing with each other’s feet, or just touching each other can feel exhilarating.
Learn to get physical and not have sex sometimes, and try to explore each other’s bodies without assuming or expecting that it will lead to sex. If it leads to sex, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll still go to bed with a smile because that physical closeness makes you both feel loved and desired. In addition to trying new positions, try to position your approach to intimacy differently as well!
5. Flirting and talking about what you like about each other is a big turn on
Intimacy and passion are about physical, verbal and visual cues. No one wants to be close to someone who doesn’t show any signs of being attracted to them. So, if you feel attracted to someone, express it, flirt and tell them you like them. Whether it’s something physical you like about your partner or something they do that is a turn on, make it known to set that mood.
6. Be intimate with yourself before being intimate with someone else
Be intimate with yourself and get in touch with your body and emotions first, so that you are attuned to your own needs. It’s hard to get close to someone and tell them what you like or want, if you don’t know yourself.
If you find yourself asking questions like “What can I do to orgasm?”, “How do I teach my partner to make me climax?” or “What techniques should I use in bed to spice things up?” then The Guys We F****d series by Luminary has a great episode titled ‘How Do You Train A Lover’—full of tips on how to make sex more enjoyable, and how to orgasm in new, different, and often better ways. In this series, you can hear stand-up comedians Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson talk to sex and intimacy advisor Susan Bratton on how to get in touch with your sexual side.